Showing posts with label Loss. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Loss. Show all posts

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

The Grandpa Tree

Winter mornings in Bangalore are quite cold. Not cold as in ice-cream freezer cold. But cold enough to make you wish for an extra layer of clothing inspite of wearing a halfsleeve woollen sweater over the white and blue school uniform. At least makes you hope you had a full sleeve sweater instead. But knowing fully well that I looked better in the one I was wearing currently, I would scrunch up my face and brave the chill with a big wide smile. Better to suffer a few hours of feeling a little colder if it avoids having to wear a drab blue monstrosity of a sack with two sleeves.

    But then huddled together with fellow travellers on the road to Christ School, in a bus filled to the brim in white shirts, navy blue ties, navy blue trousers, navy blue sweaters and black shoes with matching navy blue socks is quite warm. Not black socks mind you. Black or white or any other colour (Pink!! God forbid) earns you a telling off from the PT master. So in a bus filled with all assortments of blue and white clothes and people wearing them, I would sit bundled into a seat for two seating five. Around me, as the puttani* girls played some game where they sang some song and flapped their arms about a lot and the peekiri* guys played hand cricket and rolled around in the seat when one of them lost, the older kids learnt poems byheart, filled out handwriting books, read for a class test, or like me, lazy bum that I am, stared out the window.

    I was not ogling at girls. Let me make that clear. Like I said its too cold for anyone to be about unless they are all bundled up. And anyway, I was just a kid of 13 years. Poor innocent me. I was just drinking in the sight of Bangalore waking up. One of the things that I would wait for though, was the sight of the Silk Board flyover bathed in mist. Bangalore does not have fog. It has mist, thick and heavy in winter. Its like the whole world has been painted white with shadows appearing out of nowhere right next to you. The sight of the flyover bathed in mist on a morning like that is quite beautiful.

    To the left is the Central Silk Board with several silver oaks peeping through the mist. To the right though is a tree that has fascinated me since I saw it for the first time. The grandpa tree. There are a lot of trees in the vicinity of the flyover, especially in that big plot in the corner where Sarjapur Road meets Hosur Road. No it’s not on the side which has the huge open drain. Its on the other side. In the days when we used to go to school, that plot had a pond in it and in an outcropping into the pond was this big old dying tree. On eerie winter mornings, it looked like a thin emaciated hand clutching at the veils shrouding it, a dark spectral shadow we saw through the mist. It presented a different story though when we came back home all sweaty and tired after a day at school. A tree with bare, dark and gnarled branches spread out and a bit of foliage at the top. Looking like a comical old umbrella that has seen too many storms; tattered and torn with bits of cloth hanging to the stained frame.

    On clear sunny mornings, the sky over the flyover would be dotted with large numbers of birds, Black kites and eagles gliding along high in the sky or diving down on each other while crows wheeled about cawing their displeasure about the presence of these predators so close to their nests. It was not an uncommon sight to see these majestic birds being chased away by a couple of very agitated crows. The grandpa tree on the pond was one sight I looked forward to seeing on such days because Brahminy Kites usually roost on these trees and It was such a beautiful sight to see them. Brown with a white head and breast, they sat serenely upon the dark boughs of the tree; some preening themselves slowly or others just sitting. I always thought they were enjoying the fresh morning air while it lasted before going out to begin the day’s laborious flight.

Seeing these ‘White Headed Eagles’ as I called them at the time usually made my mornings all the more brighter. I had this theory that if I didn’t get to see them in the morning, then something bad would happen in school. And it inevitably would. I also thought that the more of them I saw, the better the day would be. So when the bus began the slow climb up the flyover, I would football tackle anyone who stood between me and a clear look out the window and when I saw atleast five of them, I knew that the day would be perfect. Of course, it never worked out that way, but seeing them in the morning made me feel so good, that I was ready to take on anything and even if I did forget the Kannada homework that day, it didn’t make me feel all that bad.

    I resolved then that once I became a big man and had lots of money, I would buy that plot from whomsoever it belonged to and ensure that that pond and the tree remained like that without being marred by the next multi-storeyed corporate monstrosity. During my years in Christ Junior College, I could not take the liberty of football tackling random people on the BMTC bus, so I became content with the brief glimpses I got when I managed to get a window seat. Moreover, I was in college now, studying science and going to become a doctor or an engineer, I knew kites could never influence how my day went. But still it was with growing sadness I saw the pond getting choked by weeds. After a year came the lorries with their loads of mud. The pond was covered up with soil and fearing the worst I started forcing myself to stop turning around to look at the tree. By then the only sign of life on the tree were the kites roosting on it. So gradually, like the rest of my school days it got stacked into a shelf in my mind, dusted off and taken out once in a while when I felt like going back to school again.

    Last week, sitting on a near empty Volvo bus on my way to watch Transformers 3, I was as usual staring out the window. I noticed the plot again. It was almost the same. No corporate monstrosity had come up and the red mud that had buried the pond now sprouted a couple of year’s worth of undergrowth. The trees were still there and were all green and fresh after two days of rain. The grandpa tree though was no longer there. I don’t know what happened to it. It was just not there. There was a space there, a patch of blue sky speckled with rainy grey. When I came that way again the next morning, I looked again, just to make sure. The new patch of sky was still there. The eagles and kites were still gliding around the open drainand there was a lot more cawing than I remembered. The Brahminy were also still there roosting on the silver oaks at CSB. My tree wasn't.


*peekiri - tiny in malayalam
*puttani - tiny in kannada
And yes, I love the word monstrosity

(It turns out it was not just me who told fortunes basing on the Brahminy Kite. Google tells me that this kite is the Bird-God of War for the Iban of Malaysia. The Brahminy Kite's presence is an omen to guide them in major decisions such as warfare and house building. For those who want to know more.

Saturday, May 15, 2010

Love at First Sight

She is so beautiful!! Be it sun or rain, she has a beauty of her own. She's always got this alluring mystery about her and I guess that's what attracted me to her first. Our meetings were few and far between - she didn't mind , she's got too many admirers for her to miss me. It was the same place, every year. Whenever I went with my family to the beaches of Alappuzha, she was there, waiting. I don't know how or why, but the sense of mystery was always there.

To get over the painful months of separation, I hooked myself to her shows on TV. Every day I used to get back home and after homework and after my usual dose of Swat Cats and the Centurions, I used to sit down to indulge myself; and boy was she beautiful. I felt very jealous though. she was always off dancing and flirting with those bloody phirangs. I felt like pummeling them. But what could I do; I was sitting in a small house in Bangalore while they, oblivious to the world, were serenading each other in Hawaii and New Zealand.

That didn't stop me. I had this foolish commitment to her and I was determined to hunt her down. What else do you expect, I was a naive 13 year old brought up on a healthy dose of mushy Mallu movies and happily ever afters. I decided to be a Marine Biologist. I searched for courses and universities to study in and even subscribed to the Marine Bio newsletter from Marine Bio. I prepared for a life dedicated to her and our meetings in the sly continued. We spent an extended weekend together at Goa when I went there with family and I must say, I have never seen her more beautiful. My most intimate memory of her is the morning we spent together at Waga beach. The waters were so serene and I can never forget the emotions i felt as i spent 4 hours with her. That is a day I will never forget.

Unfortunately, as with most romantic relationships in India, my family opposed our relationship. It was actually less of an opposition and more of a systematic brainwashing. I dont blame them though, they just did what they felt was best for my future. They never said an outright no. My relatives took turns at pointing out the hardships I would have to face in a life with her. My mom kept hinting at how she would love it if I settled down with someone a little more traditional and conservative. My dad complained about how she seemed to be pulling me away from my other near and dear ones. They didn't actually have to try very hard or for very long. I knew that they were right; she was very reluctant to settle down in India, and life would indeed have been very tough. To my mind, at that age, that was enough. I was just a confused adolescent who had no idea where he wanted to take his life.

I broke up with her soon after. Like I said before, she didn't care at all. She has far too many admirers to miss one scrawny 16 year old. I didn't feel all that bad either. I told myself that it was just an infatuation and I still believe it was one. There were no emotional scars and I still don't feel bad about it. It just faded away, just like my boyhood craze for Hotwheels cars. I do meet her once in a while though. She still welcomes me with open arms whenever I go to her. She stays just 20 minutezs away from college. We go there once in a while and she is always there, just as beautiful as ever.

( This a post about a phase in my life when my ambition was to become a Marine Biologist. I used to love the oceans and I still do, though it has mellowed down a bit. That is one of the reasons why I named my blog Debris in the Sea. Its so vast and inexplored that it strangely reminds me of life. There is a lot of stuff u find in it - driftwood and lots of junk. Once in a while though you come across a shiny shell or a piece of sea glass or if you are really lucky a spanish doubloon!! This blog is a collection of my treasures from the sea. My bits of sea glass.)